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Geek I may be, but I have to admit that I find plain old pencil and paper far more suited to my casual information storage needs than anything electrically powered. I've been keeping a diary for a while now to record all those general musings that I've been exploring but haven't quite felt are ready for releasing to a wider audience. It was whilst reading my first book that I came across my initial notes on a never completed meme: The Problem of Self-Censorship.
I think it's safe to say that for me my blog can be defined more in terms of what I've left out than what I've put in. For reasons I've never really junderstood I've always felt uncomfortable divulging any personal information or feelings to the world at large. All I can imagine is that it's a symptom of the mistrust of authority I inherited from my parents.
Things, however, have changed for me. It started with my car accident. Since then I've lost my job, tried to commit suicide, and been sectioned under the mental health act. I also wrote-off another car and have lost my driving licence as a result. My life now consists having my pottering around the house disrupted by of brief bursts of childcare and trips to see my team of personal brain care specialists.
It's not all bad. True, the bouts of paranoia and anxiety are somewhat debilitating, and my self-confidence so batterd I've resorted to rolling dice to make decisions. But I've finally been given the opportinity to deal with all the issues which have been screwing up my personal life for years. I'm not quite on board with the diagnosis of Schizotypal Personality Disorder but it makes the Doctors happier if they can hang a label on me.
Notionally I started my diary to keep track of things I felt I could blog about but which required more time to explore. It's been a while since I sat down and wrote anything worthwhwile to go here. Now I've got space to explore, and explore I will. Philosophy, Psychology, Sociology, Metaphysics, Sprituality, the list goes on. Yet no matter how much freedom I feel I have I still can't begin to explain why I continue feeling so uncomfortable when I consider talking about the several legal issues looming on my horizon. Ho hum.