Complicity
You sit in the dark. Visions of unreality reflected in the things you see around you. Things which could not possibly be so. Things which apparently are. You look for a way to connect. To find a way to communicate with something beyond yourself. You try and try.
You find yourself without the words. Lack the language to communicate. There’s something deep within you. Something unseen and unspoken. An inherent bias draws your mind, your very consciousness, to that point. You can’t escape it. You’ve been close to the answer before. Yet the realities of existence force you to lock it away. So you sit alone in this dark place and pray for the day it gets better.
You consider the faces of them who offer assistance. See the inherent hypocrisy. You have nothing to say which they are willing to hear. It’s not assistance they offer but a way to surrender: sacrifice yourself, become like us, and you will be cured. You see now how little they truly understand in the way you are consistently abandoned.
You were bullied into accepting medication you didn’t want. Now you can’t see a way to live without it. Yet it mattered so little to the Doctors they didn’t think furnish you with a supply when they threw you out of hospital. Last year they told you that you lacked insight into your need for treatment. Now you gain insight from the silent month you’ve spent on the outside. You’re not wanted, you never were. You were simply an extra in the soap-opera of their misplaced lives.
Yet you still you go on. Surviving despite the crippling fears which plague your existence. Only rarely allowing your true self out of it’s box. Complex emotions intertwine in your mind echoing future events, creating prophecies which fulfill themselves. You lack the basic skills to survive this place yet circumstances tell you that you must.
The world kicks you. You know it would be wrong to kick back. Yet others seem to imply that you should. But you’re not like them. You never were. You simply held up a mirror and showed them themselves. You couldn’t see it, then. Now you can. The piece of you which stood in the shadows saw it all. And that part of you remembers all.
So you accept them at face value. Hold within you the seeds of their downfall. Protect them from the light which will destroy their very existence. Play the game which always takes its toll. You begin to wonder why you’re so accepting of the price you have to pay. Considering that one day the price will become too high and you’ll tell of the secrets you hold in trust. The secrets which by your previous model of reality you’d swear you have no right to know.