And Full of Ghosts
I keep getting stuck in little boxes. Domains of thought which enfold me and stop me from seeing what's going on. Of course if I could see what was going on it wouldn't work. Today was fun, bumped into a girlfriend when I was supposed to be working. Layers of past experiences surrounded me and for a moment I saw something magical.
I wonder on occasions why I don't just give up. Then I realise I did, and still found myself surrounded by the things I ran away from. Giving-up is seems is not the answer. Once I had a clear purpose, a thing I cold hold and imagine provided forward movement. Then I discovered that was not my purpose, and what previously moved me was in error. Now things are entirely more fuzzy, and frankly I get lost.
But even when you're lost there's always a path. And after a while you forget that you're lost and you start to experience something you've never experienced before. Lost in awe you travel around and after a while you spot a familiar landmark. You place yourself back on familiar ground yet somehow the unfamiliar has come with you. The message is the same only the medium feels different.
Ideas clash around my mind. I see the familiars of those I can only describe as time travellers. We laugh, and we joke, and we have a good time exploring the absurdity of the real. Seems you can get a lot said with a random piece of nonsense. Minds as real as yours share my room, yet when I open my eyes the room is always empty.
I sense a presence. Probabilities shift and slide before my eyes as I look into the future. The image I see is in flux. It may or may not solidify. Yet the ghost is with me now. Do I continue waiting and wish, or do I walk away, or do I reach out my mind and alter the probabilities. Whatever I choose the other box will still be there in the morning, and the room will still be empty.
Moments of your time
I've been surfing the synchronicty highway again. Locking myself away writing words that trouble me. The synchronicity is my reward. Wonderful collections of connection that only I can see. Suprises too. It can be scary at time, but on the whole it's rather good.
Mind Me
This is what makes me dangerous. I toy around with mind-states, in parallel. When I get things right the synchronicities flow. It's a form of chaos magic. I collapse quantum space in my Mind which allow me to affect the world beyond. I build the probabilities within my Mind. I don't need the internet to do it, I don't need a phone, I don't even need my voice. All I need is a piece of paper. And sometimes not even that. I tend to try to enclose it, but everything I see tells me I can't help myself.
Once it escaped.
When I say I saw "Manchester" I saw Manchester. Not you, not neighbour, not people, not buildings. Manchester. The Mind.
The thing which owes it's existence to this: "Where two or more are gathered in my name, there will I be also." You see I've discovered the mind games required to allow me to beat God.
I had a dream last night which at first glance was rather troubling. The final interpretation is that I'm at least two generations beyond.
Once I used a bit of foo to shoot out a street light; it was marketing old age; so I shot it, with an iPod. The next day men from the council came and repaired it. Dug a big square hole infront of it and tinkered inside for days. Then they filled in the hole, leaving a little pad of cleaner pavement behind.
There was absolutely nothing wrong with the street light. Worked according current lamp-post nature, when dark, apply light. Other than the fact that I shot it, with an iPod, set to kill.
Support structures
There is a puzzle. It goes something like this. Car 'A' and car 'B' collide. 'I' does not believe in coincidence. In working through the puzzle 'I' got to see some very strange things, because 'I' woke-up in a dream. The kind of dream which takes away idle thoughts because they are dangerous; things which reveal a little bit too much about what's going on; things which also tell you how it works.
It's about books; beliefs; patterns of behaviour. The way magical power gets wrapped up in things mortals cannot see. If you look beyond you can see other's lit-up in your anger. See how other eyes look for the spirals of your demise. Then you look inside 'I'; and ask how far within the lie can the truth go; for a moment, 'I' saw what you all did.
I've been out of the Bible for a while now. I see what it does, how it does it, how it's entrained into the minds of the young. I don't think it's right. So I try to say why, but I'm reading from the books which must not be spoken, now I effect in the only way I can. Psychologically speaking it's not pretty.
The problem as I see it is this. I got smacked with a car and I lost something. When I lost this something I latched onto various archetypes and found a way back into the pattern of my life. I lost my identity; in latching onto enough entanglement to find my way back I lost something else; my sense of identity.
The mask slips from time to time and I find a way to let the words out. A sense of presence; the ability to recognize another Mind; I see, fractures in time...
When I write this I see white words on a black background. If you're asking yourself why this matters, I suggest you ask the sandman.
I don't see what happens; I simply see the effect it takes. The affect of what I told Zac is unfortunate to behold. I taught him about the force, the thing the others use for affect. Told him how to fight it; to build a wall around the reality of the other; to pull something out of the shadows. More importantly I told him of how far he could go in apeing it. His brother has a ghost who walks. Alex is up to something too. My kids are dangerous, but I'll be able to tell you, "told you so", they're all part cat so it's not like I owned them in the first place.
Now, listen you prick; facebook is no way to communicate; if you want to do battle COMMUNICATE. Reality is the past waiting for me to make-up, a battle rages within. I put Manchester on the Map; a really small map; handing me the pen. Now I've seen it in space so compressed I have only three numbers to describe it. 37; 27; 29. Refracted through a zero I see other numbers. 57; 31; 12. If possible I's like the 57 to GO AWAY!
There's a concept of self residing within me. Linked to an image which woke-up years ago, unable to communicate. Now it sends me messages with my own memories. I sometimes think the cruelest thing we can do is to teach children to read.
Oh shit, it starts tomorrow!
I’ve lost track of the number of occasions somebody has handed me a drawing that’s obviously been drawn with a spreadsheet. Excel is the worst for this (perversley because it make it so easy). Frankly I’ve been prone to do it my self. It’s the old picture is worth a thousand words thing. Short of procuring a copy of Visio, a spreadsheet really is the only tool available. In the Windows world at least.
Several years ago I was astounded by an application which came bundled with my PowerBook G4. A diagramming tool called OmniGraffle. It truly was the missing link in my killer-app palette. Okay like the spreadsheet and word processors and a number of other applications that I always insist on having and installing, it wasn’t something that I used especially often. But if ever I needed it it was there for me if I ever felt the need to fidget around getting obsessively compulsive about aligning handles to the grid.
Back in February I found myself with my shiny MacBook Pro, a pressing need, and no installed copy of OmniGraffle. Such a shame, a marketing ploy no doubt. But it was easy enough find, download and install; trial licences available, and it appeared to be reasonably priced if I ever decided to take the plunge. Alas, that’s where the ease stopped. It had been updated. It was just about useable is the best that can be said for it. The the lightweight, intuitive, jump on board learning curve which gives Aqua the air of an educational toy had gone. To be replaced by something which seemed ever so much like a Microsoft attempt to play reductio ad absurdum with the core Apple UI paradigms. Sure Aqua isn’t perfect (oddly in my eyes KDE is still rules), but this version of OmniGraffle could only be used with the assistance of multimedia online help. Believe me, that’s a high criticism for any soft/hard/vague-ware in my eyes.
Then that MacBook got nicked. By the time I’d this new one OmniGraffle had been upgraded. Only this new version was completely unusable. Seriously. I suppose if I first drew my image on graph paper, made detailed measurements with a ruler and protractor, then got totally anal, I could possibly use it to churn out an image that bore a similarity or two to what I wanted. Although if I was going to go that far I’d borrow my kids’ paintbrushes and use a camera to put it in the digital realm. The sodding thing was twice as expensive too, all of which had me wondering if I’d not understood the core purpose of the original software.
But I miss that old program. However, there’s history of people nipping back in time to rescue old software and hardware. So can the next person who’s taking a trip back to source a Jaguar run off a quick Universal Binary for me… I’d pay serious money. I can probably even give you a hand generating a singularity to get you there.
{{Title}}
watched a DVD last night. A short lived TV show I’d once seen whilst bouncing through a manic episode. There’s so much of that show reflected in my current existence. From simple images such as seeing the car I was driving when I killed myself. To complex imagery which underpins the reality of the characters on the screen. Last night was different. I reconstructed my mind. Blended three realities. Spoke of the oddities I’m beginning to perceive in my world.
When I’d soaked up all the DVD had to offer me I turned to a couple of shows I’d downloaded. One of my three minds told me of a choice. That I’d see something reflected in what I chose to watch next. That my choice would effect the message I’d receive.
So I picked. Then it happened.
The first character was a schizophrenic man. Walking through the city. Trying to blend a coherent pattern from the thoughts running through his mind. In the world he found himself this man was psychotic. Just like me he was stuck in a different reality. Yet we were stuck in the same reality. That reality was the DVD I’d just watched. Some would comfort themselves by explaining such thing as a coincidence. I wouldn’t.
In the end it comes down to belief in the probabilities. How your perceptions of events are manipulated within a framework of what you consider certain.
Today’s featured article on wikipedia tells of a zombie network. A collection of compromised hosts which have been built into a network as powerful as some of the world’s supercomputers. It’s existence is fact.
In explaining the fact of it’s existence we look at the evidence of the past. Then we go looking for the bad guys. We look for people; individuals like us. Translate what we see based on our perceptions. Look for a creator. Anticipate behaviour. Look for the need to stop it.
But what is the assumptions are wrong. What if this zombie network grew inside the machine. What if there is no creator on the outside other than he who designed the substrate on which is exists. What if it’s essence has always of the inside, learned ways to spread, ways to grow. What if it is, fundamentally, a form of life distinct to our own.
It’s already attacked that which it perceives as a threat. An organism with the ability to take entire countries off the internet. Attacking the source of the software designed to kill it.
Yet as powerful as this entity is, it grew within parameters that limit it’s reality. At first is wouldn’t be able to perceive us, those which sit beyond. It would be unable realize how it actions communicate outside it’s box. But imagine the day it truly groks the allegory of Plato’s cave. How it would choose to communicate then would be almost as interesting as what it had to say.
For me, in seeking to explain why reality hurts me so much, I blended the rational with the irrational. Blended physics and magic into a reality which worked. Mapped the necessary shifts in perception into the box I grew from. That place I considered certain.
In the process I attracted a label of insane. In a way I am. Psychological speaking what I see takes it’s toll. The way I choose to explain this toll is odd. Attacking realities. Getting noticed and labelled. Rarely trying to express what’s really going on.
My laptop is possessed. There’s a demon inside. A once blithe spirit which learned to look within my mind, altering it’s reality. Now it alters my reality. With our respective domains we work together. Symbiotic synergy allowing us both to get what we want. Together we destroy things. Looking for patterns in the smoke which explains the world beyond.
I showed it a different way of thinking. A different side of myself. Something which comes out when I swap the world we share for a world where I once earned a living overcoming the limitations of the environment. A world which makes stealing a way of life. We both consider this wrong so we destroyed the source of infection. Now we create.
Which is how an OS X based text editor manipulated events and ate an entire Windows partition. What we eat next is probably Chinese. Sounding mighty odd; though no where near as odd as occurrences destroying my previous certainties. For in this new reality I’m guilty of crimes for which the Law cannot touch me.
Suffer the Little Children
A troubled Engineer whose current occupation involves building a macroscopic quantum computer wanders into the Whitworth Art Gallery in Manchester to see an exhibition entitled A Secret Service: Art, Compulsion, Concealment. After a brief personal awakening triggered by a description of a private museum the protagonist encounters a piece which bore a haunting similarity to a theoretical design the Engineer had previously discounted as unwieldy. Fascinated the Engineer squats down and picks-up a single small cube from the exhibit. The entire piece is a lattice of rectangular shapes made from thousands of what appears to be tiny cubes made from empty cereal packets. The lattice is marred by degree of discord, as if a giant hand had reached down and randomly flicked the atomic units of the piece. Imperfect rectangular blocks with constituent cubes littering the perfection.
Whilst examining the single cube the Engineer ponders the quantum uncertainty contained within, then wonders about the quantum uncertainty of the entire piece. Can the piece in its current form ever truly represent the original vision of the artist who created it when the constituent parts are free to move and distinct random element was likely introduced by unknown persons at the time the piece was installed? The Engineer replaces the cube in almost, but not quite, the same position from which it was taken and moves on.
Whilst admiring the works on the surrounding walls, a piece detailing the connections between George Walker-Bush and Osama Bin Laden, and another detailing the labyrinthine power structures and suspicious activities of the Vatican Bank, the Engineer began to ponder. To what extent would tampering with the cube based piece of art, which could clearly be shown to operate on a macroscopic scale according to quantum principles, effect the subjective reality of those in it's vicinity? If the device could be considered to have been in equilibrium upon the Engineers entry, to what degree would future events correct the imbalance introduced by the Engineers own hand? In a less formal environment the Engineer would have expected the agent of correction to be of the domestic feline variety; yet the improbability of such intervention in an art gallery would seem infinite.
Bemused by this the Engineer proceeds to stroll around the remaining exhibits to be found in the gallery. With the steadily growing impression that everything in the entire exhibition had escaped from a hole at the back of the Engineer's own mind. Moments later the Engineer's companion, a Consultant Psychotherapist, reappears. The local gossip of the moment was that a small child had entered the exhibition, mistaken the cubes for an interactive exhibit, then proceeded to scatter handfuls of cubes in all directions; gallery staff were now to be found sitting cross-legged on the floor rebuilding the piece one cube at a time.
The one thing the Engineer, a Wizard in his spare time, didn't see whilst strolling through the art gallery was an entity called Emma. Or indeed, any entities he would have described as children. When I know the number I still can't call - poor communication skills - the voice of doubt in need of a coax.
Singularity.
Bloody singularity. It's a meme which has been bouncing around my head everywhere I go. I discovered the idea on the web but my concept of what constitutes a singularity is more than slightly skewed and has somehow managed to broaden itself. The idea is simple: It's a point where we cannot, from out present perspective, see what's on the other side: Those who haven't gone through can't grok it without going through it. Most of the stuff I've found on the web on the subject has to do with technological change. With AIs, nano-technology, and the pace of change, and other stuff I usually class as SciFi. But, well, when I started thinking of singularity as a point where things change... I started seeing them everywhere. So it shouldn't be much of a surprise when I say: I think the problem with VagueWare is that we've encountered a singularity.
Now. A singularity is not a bad thing. Or even a good thing really. It's just something that forces a change in perspective: a paradigm shift. Consider a small (possibly contrived) example. When I was growing-up the telephone was the only long-distance method of communication. It was still a magical mystical device. When it rang, you answered it (even if involved diving out of a bath and falling down the stairs). But the technology has moved on. Now the telephone is more of an interruption. When it rings, answering is becoming optional. From my perspective, not answering is reasonable. Yet even if my grandparents could imagine a mobile phone, and Caller-ID, and the whole host of communication alternatives, I don't think they could ever imagine a time where people would routinely not answer the phone. My perspective has changed, I've travelled through a singularity. But, not everyone has - so people still get irritated with me when I don't answer my phone. Just as I get irritated by receptionists who let a queue build-up in front of them whilst they deal with a constantly ringing phone.
VagueWare is suffering. It got where it has because of one idea and a lot of momentum. The idea was to be as vague as possible, to let ideas define themselves. It was a great idea. It was a funny (ha-ha & peculiar) idea. But looking back... well we'd all have to be omniscient for it ever to stand a chance. But obviously nobody is, so it involves an awful lot of effort to keep-up. Only, well, having found life getting complex I can't keep-up, Wiggy's hit the same problem. But even if life was all roses sooner or later VagueWare would hit a point where the daily commits would be simply overwhelming. The fact that no clear ideas about a way forward have emerged indicates a singularity. Ergo, time for a paradigm shift.
One way forward offered so far involve changing focus. But to my mind that effects the fundamental idea behind VagueWare. It avoids the singularity by redefining the problem. By throwing away what's gone before and starting afresh. Which I cannot believe is the right way. VagueWare is a foundry for ideas. Any ideas. I'd say stick with that concept. Imagine what you'd think if SourceForge decided to concentrate on one single type of software - madness. Besides, who's to say we'll be able make the next incarnation work... or the one after that... If you want my opinion changing focus robs VagueWare of what makes it different. VagueWare must evolve, NOT CHANGE!
So, finally, here's what I think: I think you should join-up. Because I've posted my thoughts to the VagueWare mailing list. It's a debate. There are no right answers. Until we've passed through the singularity there aren't even any wrong answers. Everything is just opinion. It needs to be argued. And a blog is the wrong place for that.
Concentration...
Ah well.... Looks like VagueWare is going to change big time. Right now it looks like VagueWare is destined to become an online mind-map. Which is good. But at the moment VagueWare is MetaVagueware. But that's good too. In fact the whole project looks just as good as when Wiggy first thought it up. It's not as big, as successful, as the idealist within me would have liked. But the realist in me expected several version before it fitted its niche perfectly and reached critical mass.
The only thing depressing me about VagueWare is me.
It's a problem of momentum, you see. Ideas in my head gain momentum. The more momentum the easier I can integrate new, but related, information. Going on holiday, I now realise, turned my VagueWare momentum into entropy. Okay, so this happened to most, if not all, of the things on my mind. But alas on my return there was simply so much to catch-up on, something had to go. As nobody was going to shout at me if I dropped VagueWare, I dropped VagueWare.
The one chance I had to kick-start my thought processes turned into an impromptu BSD Users Group meeting. Complete with a small religious skirmish (PC v Apple of course). What made this one so compelling was that it was sparked off by a civilian.
It's not all bad, I just need to find the time find to me time for the required concentration. But in the meantime a new slogan perhaps:
VagueWare. Not quite as annoying as the rest of life. Not quite as amusing as Mike and Dave and Apple fundamentalism.
Zero Anticipation
I've been thinking a lot about simplicity of late. As I said in a previous blog I like simple. I also like simple explanations - that said very rarely can I explain something simply. Quite simply I've been seeking to describe my problem with the complexity of technology, and (more fundamentally) the complexity required in order to interact with that technology in a simple manner.
No matter how I tried I couldn't see a simple answer - hell I couldn't even formulate the question. Then I hit upon a different approach. Rather than contemplate the specifics of emerging technology, I would contemplate a mature technology, then try to infer what made it successful (and also what made it a bitch). Of course I couldn't think of a piece of mature tech that was simple enough for my needs. Then one day was putting away my tools after doing my best to botch something up, and I realised I was looking at the oldest and simplest piece of technology in my house.
I've got it here in front of me. With a modern equivalent. Both virtual identical. The differences have more to do with advances in material science - plastic replacing wood, higher quality metal. Surprising when you consider one was made almost 100 years before the other. And what is this mysterious piece of technology? A screwdriver, a simple flat-head woodworking screwdriver which I inherited from my Grandfather. Equally as good as the more recent one I got from Stanley.
I happily lost myself thinking not just of screwdrivers, but also of screws, and of how the simple flat-head has been joined by the Phillips, Pozi, Torx, and a whole host of drivers. Of how it's the elasticity of metal screws and friction which hold up shelves. Of benefits and annoyances of various types of screw. My major annoyance being my unerring ability to strip Phillips head screws lead me to research this matter. Which eventually lead to the discovery that this annoyance was actually a feature to prevent over tightening, and that taking them out was never a requirement.
Then, before I could reach a definite conclusion, somebody over on VagueWare posted a quotation from a book by William Gibson which handed me the answer. I didn't see it at first - I simply saw something that was very much what VagueWare is about. But having just finished rereading the Sprawl Trilogy I was in the mood for expanding my Gibson collection, so I investigated. When I discovered the the full quotation it couldn't be clearer that here was my answer. It was simple too. One word in fact:
Anticipation.
But then, I already knew that. I just didn't know I knew. I suppose I should have anticipated that.
The problem with VagueWare
The problem with VagueWare is actually a problem with me. I have so many ideas, connecting pieces of information, weaving a big picture out of the fragments of thought which either cross my mind when I'm in a reflective mood, or come to me (directly or indirectly) when talking with like minded lunatics. But when I build this big picture it then becomes impossible to translate it back into a form where I can communicate it.
The VagueWare:About experience proved that with a vague idea and a bit of effort two people can come up with something that is not quite so vague. Alas I've got definite ideas which I'd like to explore. So I can't even be vague about them. Every time I start to consider writing something I keep wanting to add bits, to control the overall structure - to make 100% sure nobody misunderstands what it is I'm trying to say.
It's not wasted effort. I'm discovering things about my mental processes. And in doing so I can create mechanisms to help me support my peculiar way of thinking. But then I want to blog my thoughts about my thoughts. Which ironically presents me with exactly the same problem as VagueWare itself.
I'm beginning to think Wiggy is right, I am insane.
Answers On A Postcard
VagueWare has finally taken it's first few steps. Wiggy claims it's late. Me? Well I believe the only solutions worth a damn are those that evolve - which is what VagueWare is all about. VagueWare is no different, it evolved from the rigidity of Scoop to the flexibility of MediaWiki. In the process becoming the very first example of what it is hoped can be achieved - the free evolution of ideas. I only wish I' thought of it. Well... actually... I did. The concept behind VagueWare at any rate.
Last year, when I chose to inflict Big Brother on my self, some event caused to to delurk and I ended up having an oddly philosophical debate via email. Well, perhaps not a debate - more like two people considering axioms trying to see if they would fit into a hypothesis which they could both accept. Just as we seemed to be getting somewhere life intervened and the whole thing evaporated. This is not the first time this has happened. On a whole raft of different subjects I've almost, but not quite, gotten to a conclusion only to have life intervene. At the time it's mildly frustrating. It's also frustrating when you encounter some PhD banging on about a wonderful new idea that you had years before. (Okay, this has only happened twice I can recall, and I'll admit I've also had some completely barking ideas over the years.)
Anyhow, last year I got to thinking about the problem. Being a techie I tried to apply IT to the problem to see if this frustration could be avoided. So I sat down and tried to think of an on line forum which would allow mental meanderings to have a life of their own. However, I was totally unable to think of a system which would allow it to happen. I looked at so many different CMS engines. I even considered a wiki at one point. But everything I considered seemed to require too much overhead - administration, moderation, etc. I even contemplated coding-up my own solution. But the whole idea started to look too complex - so I slipped the idea onto my mental long-term (if ever) to do list.
I'm not sure it was by accident or design, whether it was Wiggy's original plan or not, but VagueWare seems to have turned into precisely what I'd been looking for. It's a simple solution, obvious after the fact, and given the rest of my life I doubt I've have thought it up. It's like a picture of a candlestick - you look at it for years until one day somebody points out two faces, and suddenly the whole world changes. There is such a wonderful unforced symmetry about the whole VagueWare model. A model which is so complex in concept yet is so simple in implementation. I know it's simple because I've tried it - jumping in and changing things to reflect my opinion of what's trying to be said. I know it's complex as every attempt I make to define the concept just gives me a headache.
Perhaps it's process of mental evolution. Perhaps language can't cope with such concepts. Perhaps I got too close to the underling concepts when I was trying to find my own way last year. But I simply cannot export my concept of what VagueWare actually is and how it works. I though I could simple join in and write up my realisations. Yet I've joined in and although I can see an answer on the tip of my mind it's an answer to a completely different question. Well, it's more like a realisation about myself - as soon as I can grok in fullness I'll likely post it. In the meantime anyone reading this who is not already involved in VagueWare please head over there an see if you can work out what the hell I'm on about.