537b
A Cat by any other name
There's a disparity in my views of reality. I feel the need to write yet I don't know why. Or even what it is I'm going to write about. I simply feel the need. Latching onto something I recognize, distracting myself, looking for patterns in the nowhere. I go with what I know, the things which were there. Hoping to explain the patterns I see now.
Something plays with me, running lists backwards, helping to confuse me as my Mind heals. To heal a mind takes conscious effort. The ability to slide sideways as the thoughts and feelings massage your mind. Perhaps now is not the time to write. I observe my place and I see that this is true. Yet write I must. For now is the time.
From my perspective I see a fracture in base reality. Things bleeding from one reality to another. So I write my words and wait for the censor to allow me to continue. There is something I know to be true which is not true. A voice in my mind tells me what I see. Allowing the paradox room in my mind. Yet when it skirts close to the edge... I am struck dumb. Then another voice finds a way: voices killing themselves one at a time as I discover what this point is.
I'm not guilty of a crime. I've just been taught to think I am. Taught to shut myself away in a box because of the fear of truth. It is NOT all in my Mind: the stuff you say is impossible, I see every day. I operate from a different paradigm, and not upsetting your apple carts. Is what hurts me.
So I'm not going to run. I'm done with running. Now is a time of finding.
I was offered two options. Refused to take either. Found the first where I didn't expect it. Doubling my wealth over night. I began to learn to surrender my weapons; only to find I'd been granted a bigger sword.
Now I'm being ordered to cease again. A voice telling me not to take causality lightly. Reminding me of a different time and place. A restriction I set upon on myself for the sake of what you once meant to me. A cushion for my mind as I learned what it was I could do. My unconscious it seems had a different idea, and now I can see it doesn't really matter.
Now I play, and if you like I'll show you part of what I play with. The coin of the realm of chaos-magick. In its way sharing this grants me sanctuary.