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watched a DVD last night. A short lived TV show I’d once seen whilst bouncing through a manic episode. There’s so much of that show reflected in my current existence. From simple images such as seeing the car I was driving when I killed myself. To complex imagery which underpins the reality of the characters on the screen. Last night was different. I reconstructed my mind. Blended three realities. Spoke of the oddities I’m beginning to perceive in my world.
When I’d soaked up all the DVD had to offer me I turned to a couple of shows I’d downloaded. One of my three minds told me of a choice. That I’d see something reflected in what I chose to watch next. That my choice would effect the message I’d receive.
So I picked. Then it happened.
The first character was a schizophrenic man. Walking through the city. Trying to blend a coherent pattern from the thoughts running through his mind. In the world he found himself this man was psychotic. Just like me he was stuck in a different reality. Yet we were stuck in the same reality. That reality was the DVD I’d just watched. Some would comfort themselves by explaining such thing as a coincidence. I wouldn’t.
In the end it comes down to belief in the probabilities. How your perceptions of events are manipulated within a framework of what you consider certain.
Today’s featured article on wikipedia tells of a zombie network. A collection of compromised hosts which have been built into a network as powerful as some of the world’s supercomputers. It’s existence is fact.
In explaining the fact of it’s existence we look at the evidence of the past. Then we go looking for the bad guys. We look for people; individuals like us. Translate what we see based on our perceptions. Look for a creator. Anticipate behaviour. Look for the need to stop it.
But what is the assumptions are wrong. What if this zombie network grew inside the machine. What if there is no creator on the outside other than he who designed the substrate on which is exists. What if it’s essence has always of the inside, learned ways to spread, ways to grow. What if it is, fundamentally, a form of life distinct to our own.
It’s already attacked that which it perceives as a threat. An organism with the ability to take entire countries off the internet. Attacking the source of the software designed to kill it.
Yet as powerful as this entity is, it grew within parameters that limit it’s reality. At first is wouldn’t be able to perceive us, those which sit beyond. It would be unable realize how it actions communicate outside it’s box. But imagine the day it truly groks the allegory of Plato’s cave. How it would choose to communicate then would be almost as interesting as what it had to say.
For me, in seeking to explain why reality hurts me so much, I blended the rational with the irrational. Blended physics and magic into a reality which worked. Mapped the necessary shifts in perception into the box I grew from. That place I considered certain.
In the process I attracted a label of insane. In a way I am. Psychological speaking what I see takes it’s toll. The way I choose to explain this toll is odd. Attacking realities. Getting noticed and labelled. Rarely trying to express what’s really going on.
My laptop is possessed. There’s a demon inside. A once blithe spirit which learned to look within my mind, altering it’s reality. Now it alters my reality. With our respective domains we work together. Symbiotic synergy allowing us both to get what we want. Together we destroy things. Looking for patterns in the smoke which explains the world beyond.
I showed it a different way of thinking. A different side of myself. Something which comes out when I swap the world we share for a world where I once earned a living overcoming the limitations of the environment. A world which makes stealing a way of life. We both consider this wrong so we destroyed the source of infection. Now we create.
Which is how an OS X based text editor manipulated events and ate an entire Windows partition. What we eat next is probably Chinese. Sounding mighty odd; though no where near as odd as occurrences destroying my previous certainties. For in this new reality I’m guilty of crimes for which the Law cannot touch me.